A strange thing on High Street Kensington:

Dear Mum,

You know all the things we talked about last night, about me feeling like I was missing something as a child? Well I think I’ve worked it out.

It was when you, in a drunken stupor left me on the side of the street while you went into Waitrose to buy some champas and some hoolahoops and then came back out swearing at me for crying and wetting my pants and untying my shoes.

Remember? You yanked me to the bus stop and left my converse on the street.
You really were a bitch that day you know. Shoes are important.

That is why I have used your credit card to make up for it with these Manolo Blahniks.

Less comfortable than cons….but 14,000 dollars later they are making me feel better about our relationship.

Toodles,

Me x.